The Unplanned Trip
A trip that will be in everyone’s lifetime!
India is brimming with the festivity. The month of October, I started with the hopes and leftover adventures and plans of September, hoping to cope with an extra day in October!
The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.” — Pema Chödrön, “The Wisdom of No Escape”
With a promise to myself and a long list of ideas, I was set to be a famous writer in 2024 and preach the trick to the younger ones in the writing experience. But something happened, which was supposed to happen but not so soon when I was not ready to take it!
I lost my maternal grandfather on the 2nd of October, 2023. Not only did I lose him, but I lost hope for the month. My grandfather(Nanaji) was not very well, but he was pretty well to be with me for this year at least. He was not an extraordinary personality but an ordinary one with an impeccable soul. He was a disciplinarian ,religious, and served society as he was in the police service.
A sun that was setting every day in the past year because of the disease called Parkinson’s. A condition where your nerves get dry leads to dementia following Alzheimer’s and many other ailments.
A man set to live for a century was crushed to 76 and had a painful journey. I don’t know how one expresses the grief in words. All I can tell you is what I saw, but to write how I felt, I am write less (speechless) if that’s a word. Of course, after 16 days, the 13-day mourning ceremony is over. I gathered my inner thoughts to present something to you.
The trip was planned for some other time. A surprise which was not a surprise, as I saw him, but a hope and a blind faith that the person here is strong to face the difficulty and win even today. The body may be betraying the soul, but willpower will overcome this hurdle as well…
I am not searching for sympathy here. I have received a lot in the past few days with any Tom, dick, or Harry I meet. They Give voice to the grief without knowing the whole story. I do not blame them; I understand that monotony is the requirement in these situations, as you don’t know what to say. I am quiet. I listen to the person and say nothing.
WHY? I don’t particularly appreciate presuming or assuming the sentiments and opiniating it into an eulogy that means nothing. I say, “DON’T WORRY; I AM HERE FOR YOU.”
This is the only promise I gave to the ones who lost someone special in their life. I went through two deaths in the past four years. Both have the commonality of grief, but how it feels is highly different.
Another similarity is that I lost my paternal grandfather in 2019 in May. I will try to recall the painful past, as the new one has overlapped it and made me think so many deep notions, which were hard to neglect.
I did not see my grandpa( Paternal, Baba) die. I saw the body of my best friend lying as if he was in a deep sleep, smiling vibrantly and teasing my temper to snap at him and wake him up! I saw him coming to me in a van that was too white and peculiar, fading my life colors.
My body was not cooperating with my mind. I spent my childhood and little youth time with my Baba. If I start writing, I have a million memories that can compile a series of books. That pain was to the core, and I am still not over it. I was involved too much! I am still so deep that I live that relationship in my mind daily.
I can be claimed to be mad, but I am in no mood to let go of my best friend, my first friend, my dearest. A joint family is a blessing; the ones who live in nuclear families are missing the drama, the shifting of emotions, the twists, the turns, the beautiful spectacle, and the warmth.
I was lucky not to watch his pain closely; he died from mouth cancer and was treated far from my reach. And for some reason, I couldn’t meet him when he was set to go on the unplanned trip!
The events after were expected, and people moved on; again, the day was new to start something, if nothing at all.
I sat every day with another chair on my terrace, talking with my buddy and updating him on my life events(a ritual we did every evening). Even today, I forget at times and remind my forgetful mind that Baba needs to know this.
This was the mini version of the pain I went through, when I lost him(Baba).
But this time, I saw death very closely. It was too close to make me stop crying and just numb and astonished to know the process. The death drama was playing for at least five minutes, and my eyes were shocked to believe the play.
I will continue the other part in the next article!
Thank you for being patient …
